87 Best Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

sarcastic quotes (20k)
1. “Unless your name is Google. Stop acting like you know everything.”
2. “Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.”
3. “You reminded me of a penny. Two-faced, and not worth much.”
4. “She had a smart ass mouth, but she’s as honest as they come. She’s sarcastic, but she’s got a heart of gold. She’s stubborn, but she’s loyal as fuck. She’s a little-bi-polar, so sometimes you just gotta laugh and let her have her way.”
5. “I hope the bus you threw me under swerves to hit you on the sidewalk.”
6. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
7. “You’re the jelly to my burger the knife to my soup the glitter to my sushi and the ketchup to my ice cream my point is, you’re worthless.”
8. “Revenge is beneath me. Accidents, however, will happen.”
9. “I’m actually not funny. I’m just mean and people think I’m Joking.”
10. “HMMMMMM I’m going to your opinions right here between “Fuck this” and “Fuck that.”…
11. “Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
12. “Life has never given lemons. It has given me anger issues, anxiety attacks, a love of alcohol and a serious dislike for stupid motherfuckers.”
13. ” I may look calm but in my mind I’ve killed you three times.”
14. “There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.”
15. “Somewhere out there-there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.”
16. “In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion..Nice try though.”
17. “You think I’m sarcastic? You should hear what I don’t say!.”
18. “Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.”
19. “Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to snap them and shake the shit out of them until the light comes on.”
20. “Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.”
21. “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
22. “I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”
23. “Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list,”
24. ” Sometimes I look at people and think “Really? That’s the sperm that won?”
25. “You smell like drama and a headache, please get away from me.”
26. “Hang on, I’m still trying to decide whether I don’t give a shit or If I don’t give a fuck.”
27. ” Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered…”Who ties your shoelaces for you?.”
29. ” I thought I would never laugh again. But then I saw your new girlfriend.”
30. “I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse.”
31. “Please cancel my subscription to your issues.”
32. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has perfect taste.”
33. “Zombies eat Brains. You’re safe.”

funny sarcastic quotes,
34. ” I’m actually not funny. I’m just mean people think I’m Joking.”
35. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
36. “You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”
37. “When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.”
38. “If you don’t want a sarcastic answer. Then don’t ask a stupid question.”
39. “You sound better with your mouth closed.”
40. “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”
41. “People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world!.”
42. “Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?.”
43. “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
44. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
45. “Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty…”
46. “That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”
47. “If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”
48. “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
49. “Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”
50. “If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
51. “Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”
52. “Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.”
53. “If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.”
54. “Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”
55. “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
sarcastic humor,
56. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
57. “If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”
58. “Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
59. “My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”
60. “If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
61. “Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”
62. “If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”
63. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
64. “Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?”
65. “You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.”
66. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant
67. “Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”
68. “Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone… I realized I can do so much without you.”
69. “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”

sarcastic jokes,
70. ” I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror.”
72. “Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?.”
73. “Take my advice — it’s not like I’m dumb enough to.”
74. “If at first, you don’t succeed, stop trying already. You’re probably dumb.”
75. “My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me. When he did, I asked why he was ignoring me.”
76. “I always tell new hires, “Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.”
77. “Your opinion is very important to me. Please stay on the line until you hear the beep for voicemail.”
78. “If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something bad. If you see me laughing, it’s because I already have.”

funniest sarcastic jokes,
79. “If you’re here, who’s running hell?.”
80. “Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face looks kind of funky.”
81. “Holy shit how many dogs do you have?”
82. “Light travels faster than sound, which is why people like you appear bright—until they open their mouths.”
83. “When I see ads on TV featuring smiley housewives using some new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they’re clearly on.”
84. “My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I got drunk.”
85. “Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground.”
86.”Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face—once you shove them down the stairs, that is.”
87. “Sorry, my dog ate your text again.”

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